I binged the entire second season of Never Have I Ever today.
That’s not an excuse for not getting to my writing sooner—because the episodes are only a half-hour—but I’m still stuck in the habit of writing only at the last minute before I go to bed. And I honestly couldn’t tell you why.
I’m still trying to pull on that thread and see if I can unravel it. But it’s slower going (and feels more annoying to continually talk about) than I’d like.
And even though I truly want to better understand myself, I feel like I should be farther along than I am. Because so far in my journey toward self-love/enlightenment/purpose/understanding I’ve tried the following:
- Reading every book I can about this stuff
- Taking seminars, workshops, and courses
- Therapy
- Reiki
- Meditation
- Morning pages/journaling
- Habit tracking
- Affirmations
- Practicing gratitude
- Recognizing my feelings in real-time and self-soothing
- Setting clearer boundaries
- Exercising
- Forgiving myself
And I’m still stuck. I’m still not writing as much as I want to. I still want to quit almost every other day (though I’ll take it as a win that it’s not every day). I’m still too self-conscious, too worried about money, too anxious to pay closer attention to how my own body feels.
Even now, I feel like these posts are more self-serving than helpful. But I simultaneously don’t feel remotely qualified to talk about how to help you better understand yourself when I’m such a mess myself.
(# Of words I wrote for my manuscript today: 308)